Anxiety and Broken Promises

I promised myself I’d write one blog post each month this year. Guess who broke their promise? Ugh. I have so many excuses for not getting blog posts out the past two months, but none of them feel adequate, so I’m leaving that guilt in the rear-view mirror and moving on. 

As I prepare for each month’s post, I spend some time deciding what I’ll write about. I batted around a bunch of ideas for this one and landed on writing about anxiety this month. I have battled anxiety pretty much since birth. Now, I can’t verify this myself since my memory doesn’t go back that far, but my mother confirms I’ve been a worrier since childhood. Yay me.  

For others out there who fall into the same boat, I’m sending you a hug. If you don’t like hugs, then consider yourself receiving positive vibes in a way that makes you completely comfortable. For those of you who don’t suffer from anxiety, I’ll openly admit I’m a tad jealous, and ask you to keep the rest of us in mind as you navigate your day to day.  

How can you spot us? It’s kind of hard. We’ve worked hard to be the best damn actors and actresses when we are out in public, trying to just act “normal”. We may be accomplished in our professional lives, contribute to our communities, join groups/clubs. We have coped, but you might still be able to spot us. There could be little hints – like beads of sweat on our forehead, flushed face, fidgeting, not smiling at a joke you just shared as we’re distracted by just trying to keep our shit together. We’re constantly in flight or fight mode, even though we no longer need to be in this mode 24/7 like our predecessors did. I mean, when was the last time you had to run from a Saber-tooth Tiger to save your life? Never. But tell that to my brain. 

My anxiety usually heads straight to my stomach. Which just makes you more anxious in public, because who wants to worry about losing bodily fluids among witnesses? Spoiler alert – nobody raised their hand. At my age, you’d think I’d have this under control. Nope. But I do have ulcers now, which are exasperated by stress, which undoubtedly helped lead to my recent hospital visit. 

So, how do those of us anxious folks cope? If you’re like me, you don’t have a silver bullet answer. I’ve tried medication, counseling, visualization therapy, yoga, focused breathing, meditation, and every other thing you can think of. A combination of all of the above typically get me through most days, but I’ve yet to find a perfect solution. Know what doesn’t work? Somebody telling me to “just relax”. I mean, c’mon, do you think anyone wants to feel this way? I’d give my eye teeth to be able to just relax. Okay, maybe just a molar or two instead, since missing eyeteeth would likely be more noticeable.  
​
Anyway, while this post hits on the fun topic of anxiety, a future one might discuss full-blown panic attacks. Trust me. You don’t want one of those. But if you encounter someone in the midst of having one, or just trying to navigate life with general anxiety alone, please be kind. And when they tell you they must leave wherever they are because of some lame excuse, act like you believe them. Send them on their way with a quick wave and thank your lucky stars you aren’t in their shoes. Until next time, love your fellow humans.